Sleeping the day away

Oh, the joy of motherhood.

Lilian was super cranky today and I was supposed to go to my parent's house a little earlier; nap time comes first. I hate living in such a small apartment, if just a little mess is made it doesn't take long for it to look like crap. I'm hoping that someday soon we will be able to move into a least a two bedroom unit. Right now our bed is in the living room, makes having company kind of crowded. I think a good time line for me is within the next ten years, try to have my own house/ living space. I'd like to have my own car that's in my name, and be able to afford it by myself. I also want to be able to afford anything Lilian needs plus some things on the side, not have to worry about how we are going to buy her shoes. But it all really depends on how schooling will go and if I get a job afterwards that I can do. So much is riding on this education, it can be a but daunting at times. My biggest fear is that I will fail; or even I will pass school but not get a job for a long time in my chosen field. I want so much for Lilian and I hate not being able to give it to her. Another thing is how much I depend on my boyfriend right now. I hate having to depend on other people, especially men. I've always been self-sufficient; to have to live off someone else is maddening. Of course I say nothing about it because I wouldn't want to make him more upset than he already is about life. We both hate the situation we are in now. But such is life, right? All you can do is live with what your given and try to rise above it.


Anyways, I get to take a little break from Lilian's whining while shes asleep. I love these moments. I wish there was somewhere I could take her like twice a week; maybe a daycare or something for kids that would be free based on income. I think it would be good for both of us; she gets to play with other kids more often and I get a break once in a while. Maybe I will look into that. I'm making chili for supper tonight, I should probably get on that while I have the free time to myself. Lets hope shes happy when she wakes up (not counting on it). :)